Keeping up an appearance is when you maintain a good front to make things look good even if they are not. It is more like living under pretense that life is smooth even though things are rough. We do almost anything to keep everyone around us happy while making ourselves miserable.
The sad truth of the matter is, the people we try to keep happy are not worth even dying for in the long run. People struggle to keep up appearances so people can consider them to be well accomplished when in actual fact they’re struggling and dying inside. We are more concerned about what friends, colleagues, the church and family will say when we live a life we’re very comfortable in. Some keep a united front to protect others (parents) and others just to maintain a ‘status’. Is it worth killing yourself silently by keeping up your appearance? Won’t it be better to fix
This culture of keeping up appearances without fixing them or dealing with reality goes beyond relationships. People will struggle to buy cars they cannot maintain (some even buy new cars when they are practically broke), put children in schools they cannot afford, rent houses they cannot afford to keep, and buy expensive clothes on credit that literally chew up all their income. Some compete with colleagues and friends
We women are the worse when it comes to keeping up an appearance. We start the ‘habit’ early from school days; some of us will buy flowers and cards for ourselves especially on Valentine’s Day and claim to be in relationships which do not even exist. You’re single but claim to be in a relationship, how can you find a suitor if you’re living a lie? Since it is a ‘taboo’ in our society/Africa to be a divorcee, women stay in bad relationships/marriages, some of which are abusive. Some also keep up the appearance for the sake of the children which in a certain way makes sense but for how long can it protect the children? As long as they are covered by the tag of being married, they will put up with anything.
Credit/debit card fraud, bribes, embezzlement all happens as a result of trying to keep up with the Jonesses. It all comes down to keeping the Mrs and the girlfriend happy. Check out the girlfriend or the wife of a thief, they spend money like there is no tomorrow.
When the man is caught and jailed, the girl moves on to the next available guy or the wife has packed out with the kids calling another man ‘daddy’. So what is the point?
Who shepherds the shepherd (who pastors the pastor)? No one. We run to our pastors with our problems but who can they run to if their wives beat them at home or if they’re undergoing a lot of stress. We forget they are humans as we are and expect them to have the highest level of faith and to always be in the right frame of mind. They therefore have no choice but to pretend everything is fine with them (another topic for another day). It is in the same vein that celebrities go bankrupt because they have to live life according to our expectations.
Keeping up an appearance does more harm than good. There is really no need to validate yourself by things and status. Silent death is more painful than one which can be salvaged by people around you. A problem shared is always a problem halved. Talk to well-meaning people, not people who will compound your problems.
If something places you in danger or in a difficult position, surely at that point, one has to put themselves first. If we do that, we will cut down on suicides, hypertension, beating and battering as well as high blood pressure.
How far could/should one go to keep up appearances? Is it permissible to do almost anything to maintain your status because of what everyone will say or do?
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